so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
A+ Viking dick
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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