come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I have feelings that need drinking.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
