bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
