i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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