So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
