the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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