At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize