Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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