i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
