i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we're making bets on your personal life
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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