I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
