I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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