She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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