I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
