my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
