New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
