Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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