I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
