Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
