Ambien. No doubt about it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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