I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
