finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
