I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize