I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
