I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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