I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
nutella sex= disaster
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
