and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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