i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
