Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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