you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
