There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
