Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
third nipple confirmed
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
