i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
