You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
