Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
