Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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