you win again, gameday.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
