About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
