I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
