I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
