Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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