if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
