If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
