Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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