mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
