Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
