I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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