her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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