PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
