remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
