I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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