ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
