Slut skills are useful in every country.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
