Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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