Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
