We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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