He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
