we have officially lost it.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize