You're a womanizer and a bitch.
someone threw a dead crab at me
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Randomize
