I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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