Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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