Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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