You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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