Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wish you could order shots online.
im holly from the hills drunk
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
