It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
