More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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