I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
