Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
