period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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