I showed him my bush... on skype.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Michael Bay diarrhea
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
